It’s Just Me

I miss my Dad. Eighteen years my father has been gone.

Me and my sister
Me about 5 or 6. My sister would have been 8 or 9.

Me 1985
Jump forward…. I’m 15 or 16. We had recently moved from Idaho to Oregon and I was about to meet my future husband.

Bachlorette party 1989
Me 1989 - 19 years old at my bachlorette party. Jan in the picture was my husband’s Uncles’ girlfriend and also my best friend. We worked together at a cookie factory and they lived down the street from us. She threw me a surprise bachlorette party and my boss did a strip tease.

Same year, we got married Oct 21, 1989. First picture is right after all my fake fingernails popped off. Us toasting but we actually faked drinking the champagne because we didn’t like it.

us1994
The year my daughter was born. My first born child. I love this girl more than life.

us 1996
My baby girl is almost 3 years old. I’d returned to work when she was 1 but I hated it, I worked for a year and haven’t worked since. I lost two babies between now and the birth of my son. It was meant to be. The picture from 1998 (which is in the photo album) is when my hair went from brown to blonde.

2000
Sept 2000… the year my son was born. He was a fairly newborn baby and my daughter was a flower girl at my husband’s sister’s wedding.

us 2000
2000 - December 2000 - same year a very happy toothless baby. He never let anyone professionally take his picture again.

Us 2005
I got a new car, my son was 5 and my daughter was 11.

Us 2006
Taken with the timer in our house.

Us 2007
February before my in-laws 25th wedding anniversary.

I couldn’t get to the photo albums since my husband is napping. He’s doing inventory tonight and will be up all night. So these were the pictures I could find on discs. At one time we used to have professional family pictures taken every other year…. we haven’t had professional pictures taken since 2000

Eighteen years ago on this date my Father died. Today on the way home from my husband’s store I saw my first baby calf of the season. I took it as a sign. Not only was my Dad, saying hey…. but it is also the first sign of spring.

My Mother is coming over for dinner in a little bit. I also got us a movie to watch. I think on Valentine’s day we’ll go have lunch and do her taxes.

Most people blog about their year about this time of year. Some recap month by month, some highlight the highs and lows, some post a picture for each month and some pick out blog blurbs from each month to post. I’ve n ever been real good at any of those. I’m not a reflector nor am I a dreamer. I live in the here and now and find it hard to imagine the before or after.

This year has been so different than any other year of my life. I became a different me, one that I’m really proud of. Many of my accomplishments may seem to most to be very trivial, but to me they are huge giant steps.

Although my huge strides in exercise and weight loss the beginning of the year have slowly decreased I will get back on that wagon come January 3rd. I was able to lose twenty pounds and keep them off. I’d like to get another 10 off in 2008!

This year I was tested in ways I didn’t think I could be tested. The whole school system failed both my children in 2007 and I allowed it to happen. I have now corrected both situations and the children are both doing very well. My daughter will most likley never return to public school again and we’re all very happy with that.

My relationship with my husband has gotten stronger as it has almost every year. We’ve become better friends and have had lots of good times together, making beautiful memories. We both feel that our relationship has only gotten better with time. Twenty years and counting.

A long term friendship ended this year. While this was at the time very disturbing I can now look back and see it is for the best. Because it was my only real life friendship I hung onto it for much longer than I should have. I know now that it wasn’t my only real life friendship, it was just the most comfortable. Looking back I don’t regret any of the time spent being friends, but I do wish it had ended differently.

My Mother and I have grown closer and really enjoy spending time together. I was able to take her to lunch for her birthday this year, just her and I and it was one of the best times I’ve ever had with my Mother. I felt like I was 16 again and taking my Mom out for lunch with my first paycheck from my newest job.

My daughter became a woman and my biggest cheering squad. Although she has hit the teenage years, she still considers me her friend and confidant. She will be getting braces this year and may start hating me the day after they put them on. I can and will deal with that, knowing she’ll always turn to Mom.

My son has become a big kid now. Doing so much more on his own, reading and creating things. His imagination knows no bounds and he will create what he can dream as long as I supply the means. He’s handsome as heck and I know it is just a matter of time before I am turning the chicks away.

I miss my father as much as always, but I believe I have at last forgiven myself. I hope that he has finally been able to move forward in his journey and no longer feels he needs to protect me. I think of him daily and I will always be proud to talk about my Daddy.

Christmas Eve - “Grandma, you know your husband, Mom’s dad….” my son asks my Mother. She nods yes…. ” Well, I like how he called them things a double barreled sling shot.” My Mother laughing, rich deep, happy laughter that her Grandson knows all about his Grandfather even though he’s never met him and he loves him regardless.

Tonight - “mom do you think Grandma can make me a cloak?” Probably, we’ll have to ask her. “how much do those people charge to make them, let’s google it.” “Nevermind, they charge too much, besides Grandma is cheaper, all you gotta pay her is a kiss.”

That boy… he touches the heart. He is my son, he has my softness inside him. He will be a good man.

A week before Christmas break, my daughter talking to her friend, “My mom is my best friend, I tell her everything.”

Christmas afternoon - “I’m so glad you are my Mom, I don’t know what I’d ever do without you.”

That girl … she’s changing. I never want to lose her. She is the teenage me, I hope I can make it easier for her than it was for me. She’s becoming a beautiful person.

The year 2007 was very good to all of us and I can only hope 2008 brings us just as much love and joy.